We're still convinced that Lou Reed and Metallica's (henceforth known as Loutallica) cranky metal collaboration "Lulu" will turn out to be some sort of purposeful "Metal Machine Music"-esque fan-alienating stunt (or maybe it's just an excuse for Lou to wear some really cool leather jackets and gold chains?). But for now, a desperately-in-need-of-a-nap Reed is pressing forward with the illusion that the project has "pushed me to the best I’ve ever been." Below, watch a promo for the album in which Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich still talks like he's on a late '90s Vh1 show:

When we first heard about the dread collaboration, we guessed that it would sound like "lightening-quick Metallica riffs married to Reed's froggy, elder statesman vocals. Perhaps a mix of "Battery" and..."Egg Cream."' And it turns out it's even worse than we imagined! Substitute "lightening-quick" riffs for sluggish power chords and froggy vocals for grandfatherly atonal talking, add in a dollop of lyrics about magnets, tablets and "I want to see your suicide," and voila: first single "The View." Listen to it below if you dare (or you can just skip straight to the "remix"):