How can Urban Outfitters be any more of a lifestyle brand? Will they help us frame our Realistic Target poster of a man holding a woman at gunpoint in our living room? Can they laugh while we scoop free condoms from fishbowls in dive bars? Not yet, but they are opening a massive, three-story "Lifestyle Center" on Herald Square.

Women's Wear Daily (our subscription somehow lapsed so we can't get past the paywall) first reported on the store, but we'll have to glean the paltry details from Racked, which promises that the new Lifestyle Re-Education Depot will have "features never before seen from the brand."

The chain is already opening a restaurant/bar in Williamsburg, so maybe this will have a lion pit where Christians wearing Supreme hats are devoured? Sno-Cones made of guilt? Large showrooms full of stuff for people to buy on credit? There's just no telling what they'll come up with.

And what does the term "Center" imply? Did you see me pull the Adderall out of my pencil pouch? Will I love myself if I wear this tie-dye shirt?

Will you love me?