When we look back on this day in 100 years—when we'll no doubt be living it up with Mai Tais on a permanent moon base—we may forget about polling machine malfunctions, the nonsensical memes, the long lines, and even the glorious booing. But the one thing that will haunt us for the rest of our days is Trump's "victory cake," which has captured his essence quite unlike any other likeness of him ever.
This is the official Trump-cake for the official Trump-party - escorted by the Secret Service! @BILD #ElectionDay #Elections2016 pic.twitter.com/ETxS11cpNS
— Kai Diekmann (@KaiDiekmann) November 8, 2016
A @realDonaldTrump head statue being escorted into #TrumpTower on #5thAvenue #ElectionDay pic.twitter.com/2UsGc03pmp
— Katherine Lam (@byKatherineLam) November 8, 2016
According to the people in the video, who were accompanied by a man with "Secret Service" written on his uniform, they were headed to the Hilton to "celebrate the victory of our next president." However, as you can see if you look closely in the videos, the cake is being wheeled away from Trump Tower north on Fifth Avenue, towards West 57th Street. The Hilton is in the other direction, on 6th Avenue between 53rd and 54th Streets.
Does this mean the cake is just a prank and not the confectionary delight that will be used to toast to our new Dear Leader later tonight? Or does it mean that Trump's cake is being held hostage by a bunch of geographical numbskulls who can't tell their Midtowns from their Midwoods?
The important part is: this is the best cake, the greatest cake, everyone is saying it, everyone is talking about it. If you look long enough into its dead eyes, you can see the future and the past colliding, and memes lost in time, like tears in rain.
Update: It seems the cake is real, and is at the Trump event at the Hilton Hotel in midtown:
Someone put a hat on the Trump cake pic.twitter.com/4jBqLFtcgH
— Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi) November 9, 2016
BAKER: Hey, what kind of expression do you want on his face
TRUMP STAFFER: Let's go with "haunted" pic.twitter.com/SxNJQX4r2F— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) November 8, 2016
Solid likeness. Very artful. pic.twitter.com/eIRJmlDcra
— Scott Tobias (@scott_tobias) November 8, 2016
when even your cake knows you’re gonna lose pic.twitter.com/MHD67HIVng
— Rusty Foster (@rustyk5) November 8, 2016
This Trump cake straight up looks like that alien that was talking about Orion's Belt in Men In Black. pic.twitter.com/k86dzJuol0
— John Crinebeck (@JOHN__JUAN) November 8, 2016
— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) November 8, 2016
A Donald Trump cake being wheeled into Trump Tower pic.twitter.com/fPDiNgamvt
— Casey (@fraumeowmeow) November 8, 2016
The Trump cake kinda looks like Gollum with a wig. pic.twitter.com/wPjgO9u15W
— raph (@Raph4real) November 8, 2016
Trump's cake belongs in a Tom Petty video. #DontComeAroundHereNoMore pic.twitter.com/0uaExI4eFx
— WABI SABI for ROBOTS (@WabiSabi4Robots) November 8, 2016
🎶hello darkness my old friend🎶 pic.twitter.com/DcC6AAeeR8
— Lana Berry (@Lana) November 8, 2016
— Alex 🦃zenberger (@Alexander_O) November 8, 2016
Actual footage of them making the Trump cake: pic.twitter.com/fIufP5QvdF
— Life's Scary Enough (@BilgeEbiri) November 8, 2016