[Update Below] With his dreams of a peaceful world filled with harmonious subway sounds as shattered as a cold case of Heinekens after a frat initiation party, James Murphy is rumored to have finally embraced his destiny: less than five years since his band broke up, Consequence of Sound is reporting that LCD Soundsystem will reunite in 2016. Or not. Probably not. Seriously, don't get your hopes up.

COS writes:

Multiple sources have confirmed to Consequence of Sound that LCD Soundsystem are planning a comeback in 2016. As we hear it, the band will headline at least three high-profile music festivals in the US and UK, with an official announcement expected soon.

A representative for LCD Soundsystem could not confirm our report.

While sipping curated wines in Williamsburg sure sounds like a nice way to spend retirement, we can't imagine all the cured egg yolk and buckwheat in the world can be as satisfying as performing in front of tens of thousands of sweaty kids who know every word to every song. Of course, the whole rumor could turn out to be as false as Murphy's belief that the MTA will eventually embrace his sonic masterpiece.

Kris Petersen, the label manager of Murphy and LCD Soundsystem's DFA label, threw some very cold water on the rumors:

This is all really too bad, since we were really looking forward to Murphy entering the Cher phase of his career. At least we still have that Smiths reunion to look forward to!

Update Murphy's management gave an official "No Comment" when asked about the rumors. We're still mighty unsure about this one, but CoS is doubling down on their statement, citing a Billboard report as more evidence the band is reuniting.

Billboard writes: "A well-placed source has confirmed to Billboard that the James Murphy-led band is “definitely reuniting” in 2016. The source says that LCD has big touring plans for next year, with an eye on multiple major festivals."

But other sources (or perhaps ...the SAME sources?!?) tell EW that it's all baloney: "There is no truth to a reunion," their source says. "There’s not a secret bunker where they’re all meeting to talk about reuniting."

Even with DFA Records officially denying the rumor, CoS writes: "DFA Records, the label co-owned by Murphy, has issued a statement denying the band’s plans to reunite. Despite this, our sources stress the band intends to reunite next year, and we stand behind our original report."