Attention, recently released prisoners!

Are you concerned about the process of re-adapting to "life on the outside?" Do you worry that you'll find the concept of a whole separate toilet room incomprehensible? Overwhelming? Wasteful? The presence of windows too vertiginous? That you will find yourself so crippled by the limitless possibilities of "home decorating" that you'd rather just go back to Sing Sing, where you'll never have to ponder the ideal IKEA "storage system"?

Your future freedom cell (about 100 square-feet) is located on the Upper West Side, where none of your enemies will think to find you. It has no kitchen and no stove, but it does have a shower!

And the best part? It's only $1,100 per month, which is probably less than you paid during that stint in the clink, right? Wait, rent was how much? I don't understand. Are there still units available? What's the broker's fee like? Can you introduce me to your landlord? Does that neighborhood get FiOS? Are you on on Airbnb? Do you ever sublet? Where are you going?! Can I come with you? [via Curbed]