This Upper East Side mansion has 8 bedrooms and 11 bathrooms, a garage with exposed brick, one of those ladders that you can step on to reach the books in your very tall library, statement wallpaper, a wine cellar bigger than the restaurant you went to last night, sculptures, chandeliers made from the hardened tears of your former lovers, a floor plan larger than the Mall of America, an elevator, "a handsome rusticated limestone base," six different floors all providing plenty of space to fill with material goods that will never fill the empty space in your heart, columns, and a few fireplaces in which to burn your secrets.

Curbed notes that the owner of the home is David Rozenholc, "a wildly successful tenants' rights lawyer who has, for decades, notched big-name (and big-dollar value) victories over the likes of Donald Trump."

According to the listing, "this stately Regency-style Flemish brick mansion was commissioned in 1906 and built by world renowned architect Augustus N. Allen." It costs $29,000,000 and is located at 7 East 84th Street, near 5th Avenue.