Thong guy. (From the archives of John Del Signore/Gothamist)

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(Photo by Jen Carlson/Gothamist)

NYC hot weather is different from your average hot weather, in that it cannot be truly enjoyed by anyone. Not even those people who claim to enjoy hot weather. Heat ricochets off buildings, humidity seeps from the brows and backs of humanity. And this summer above all summers, there is no escape.

Today and tomorrow temperatures will reach almost 90 degrees, with humidity levels reaching around 70% at times. Concerned that this might be the norm from now through September, I reached out to our weather expert Joe Schumacher hoping he would tell me that this summer is going to be mild and totally enjoyable—70 degrees and sunny month after month, sometimes with a cool breeze just when you need it, and so on.

That did not happen.

Schumacher says:

All signs are pointing to a hot summer! El Niño conditions (warm tropical Pacific ocean water) are dying and La Niña conditions (cold tropical Pacific ocean temps) are expected to develop over the summer. It's not a 100% guarantee, but La Niña conditions in the Pacific are usually accompanied by warmer than average summers across the northern U.S. The Weather Service, Weather Channel, and AccuWeather all have very similar summer outlooks: A warmer than average June followed by a much warmer than average July, August and September.

He adds that while there isn't a humidity forecast, "we're too close to the ocean to get long periods of low humidity so I suspect there will be plenty of steamy days this summer." There is no escape.

This NOAA map doesn't quite put us in the red, but it does put us securely in the hotter-than-average zone:

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Humidity, which can give you a RealFeel® of Lake of Fire, is awful... but if you're thinking that maybe you'll move to Los Angeles to escape it, think again. Despite what you may have heard from your friends or Joan Didion or Moby, that place was HUMID AF last summer, and their palm trees don't supply as much shade as our subway system.