Yesterday, a Congressional candidate brought a man in a panda suit to a press conference outside City Hall, introduced him as "Kevin," and told the crowd he was NYC's new adopted panda. This panda performance piece was an ostensible dig at how his opponent, U.S. Representative Carolyn Maloney, wasn't adequately handling Ebola and Israel or something, but mostly it was a cruel tease. Because despite Maloney's efforts to bring pandas to the city, New York is still panda-free (unless someone's hoarding one of these beautiful creatures in their apartment—this is not recommended and does not end well for the panda). So, in a moment of sad news-related Saturday fatigue, we compiled this handy list of existing pandas that should relocate to a NYC zoo as soon as possible. Enjoy, and do not judge us.

BAO BAO (The National Zoo)

Bao Bao is The Smithsonian National Zoo's resident baby panda, and she is by far the best and most adorable panda ever to exist on Planet Earth. Bao Bao loves climbing trees, napping, tumbling from rocks, and strutting her stuff in front of news cameras. She turned one in August, and delighted the panda-loving masses by licking a cake comprised of frozen fruit. D.C. is a treacherous place for a small panda, full of jumbo slices and people who ask you which Senator you work for. Bao Bao should move here.

MEI LUN & MEI HUAN (Zoo Atlanta)

Mei Lun and Mei Huan are 15-month-old Giant Panda twins, making them doubly adorable. They enjoy cuddling and playing with each other, and are an inspiration to rivaling siblings worldwide. Though they lack Bao Bao's star power, they'll also be able to keep each other's egos in check in our nation's most populous city.

THE CHIMELONG SAFARI PARK PANDA TRIPLETS (Guangzhou, China)

It's very hard to get pandas to procreate—just ask Richard Nixon!—and it's hard keeping newborn babies alive, too, many of whom don't survive past two months. So it was pretty impressive when a set of panda triplets popped out of a giant panda at Chimelong Safari Park in Guangzhou in July. These miracle cuties, who haven't been named yet, are the world's only surviving giant panda triplets, and their strength and perseverance in the face of adversity is exactly why they'd do so well in NYC.

ALL OF THE BABY PANDAS AT THE CHENGDU RESEARCH BASE (Chengdu, Sichuan, China)

The Chengdu Research Base, located in the Panda Capital City of Chengdu i.e. the Greatest City on Earth, is a world-renowned breeding center and research institution full of heart-stoppingly cute balls of black and white fluff. These pandas waddle around all day, climbing on trees and rocks, playing on slides, napping and chewing bamboo. And they let you HUG THE PANDAS, provided you fork over a few hundred dollars (worth it) (so worth it). But these pandas are located approximately 12,072 kilometers from the Central Park Zoo, and that is just too far. Ship a crib of pandas to us, please and thank you.