Not everyone gets to spend the holidays with their families, but those of us who'll spend the next few days surrounded by every member of our bloodline might prefer to don a pair of Zubaz and hole up with Master of None all weekend. But fear not, family-impeded folk—this holiday season, there are a whole number of films streaming on Netflix that'll make you grateful for your own family's mild dysfunctions. Here are our favorites.
THE VIRGIN SUICIDES: I have this movie on in the background as I write this post, and it is some fucked up shit. Kathleen Turner and James Woods over-parent their five blonde teen daughters, which, naturally, backfires. But instead of, say, bringing home dudes on a motorcycle or getting weird piercings or something, the daughters commit suicide. All of them. All five of them. Jeffrey Eugenides, what the hell was going on in your life when you wrote this book? Why do you hate happiness? Anyway, gather the family together for a screening of this film and then show everyone your new back tattoo.
IN THE BEDROOM: This is an excellent, but terribly sad film about a couple that falls apart after their adult son is brutally murdered by Marisa Tomei's husband. Sure, your parents blamed each other for not "being on the same team" that time you threw a party in your apartment and got the cops called on you, but it doesn't appear that either of them will murder anyone any time soon, so you are very lucky.
THE OMEN: Elementary school-aged cousins are annoying as hell, but wouldn't it be so much worse if they were possessed by the devil? Well, maybe you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Gregory Peck's in this movie, so every female member of your family will be thrilled.
THE HOURS: Nothing says "family-friendly entertainment" like suicide, closeted lesbianism, attempted suicide, HIV, and more suicide.
SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK: I have seen this movie several times, and cannot understand why people like it. That being said, it has football in it, which is a thing families like to watch on Thanksgiving, and everyone can rejoice in the fact that Jennifer Lawrence is not their daughter and that the dude from The Hangover is not their son. The movie also gives us a chance to check in with Chris Tucker, in his only film appearance since the Rush Hour trilogy.
DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR: We don't actually get to see any of the main characters' family members or learn anything about their home lives, but it's safe to assume something went wrong there.
ANTICHRIST: See description for The Omen, except the kid is dead, and Lars von Trier is barking instructions re: miming sadomasochistic sex at you. You'll never try to avoid a family dinner again. There is certainly no better slogan for family time than "chaos reigns."
THE WOLFPACK: I mean, I like movies as much as the next person, but forcing your children to experience the world solely through cinema seems like bad parenting. Blame your parents all you want for making you go to sleep before The Wizard of Oz ended during its annual March airing, but really, it could have been worse.
FISH TANK: It's hard enough being a teenager without having an absent mother, obnoxious little sister, and the unreasonable dream of being a hiphop backup dancer even though you possess few, if any, dance skills. Add a predatory, if unbearably attractive, Michael Fassbender to the mix, and you're asking for disaster. Again, the fact that your stepfather does not look like Michael Fassbender works in your favor. Savor this.
FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC: Your grandmother might smell like mothballs and call you every Sunday to find out what's on PBS, but she probably didn't lock you and your siblings in the attic for so long you ended up having sex with your sister.
ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES: You know what, this family is actually better than your family. Sorry. But bonus points for boasting one of the best non-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving scenes in cinematic history.
Options that are not streaming on Netflix but are also acceptable viewing: Eraserhead, Psycho, Cruel Intentions, Home Alone (way keep tabs on your kids, McCallisters), and Happiness. Happy Turkey Day!