Paumgarten & Joel, a band we wish existed. (Getty)

Last night Billy Joel sat down with the New Yorker's Nick Paumgarten, who wrote that profile on the musician last year, you know, the one that you didn't want to end? Read it here. Now, read the below musings, which Joel delivered last night during the talk (and enjoy some bonus footage of him performing a bit for the crowd).

On social media: "I don’t Twitter. I don’t Facebook. Sometimes I look up a little porn—you know, just to see what’s going on.”

On rock vs. classical: “Classical music was the girl next door. Rock and roll is a girl with smeared lipstick and ripped stockings. I had an affair with her for some time, but I ended up wanting to go back to the girl next door.”

On why the French didn't like his performance of C'Etait Toi: The promoter told me, "That was French? I think they thought you were singing in Polish."

On “Piano Man”: “I was living in Los Angeles and working at a piano bar. I needed the money. I thought, I can’t believe I’m doing this... but maybe I’ll get a song out of it. And I did.”

On fatherhood: “I feel young. I’m a new dad. I may look like the granddad, but I’m a dad. I agreed to it [christening the baby], but I told my wife that we’re going to make sure she votes Democrat.”

On his father: “I always felt bad for my dad, because his father was rich, and I’m rich, and he must have been like. . .’What happened?’”

On Prokofiev's Peter and the Wolf: "It scared the shit out of me."

The following are comments we jotted down from the talk last night, but there is no transcript of the event, so consider this paraphrasing.

On the New York Festival: This is a Festival, where's the sausage and peppers? Not exactly San Gennaro.

On why he quit writing pop music: I broke up with me.

What does he hear around his house?: Lot of women pop stars... Katy Perry, and what's her face, Taylor Swift.

On why he stopped going to church: The priest unraveled a dollar bill and said it was the flag of the Jews. That was it for me.

On what drove him to rock: I'd start playing piano at a party, and I'd look up and there'd be a girl watching me. I liked the Isley Brothers and when I played that then 3 girls would be watching me. With Elvis it was even better.

On JFK: Kennedy was a vigorous guy, he was popping everything that moved.

On Lennon and McCartney: Sweet and sour... it's a good combination.

On his ill-fated metal band Atilla: I could see the record producer was thinking 'Jesus, I'm gonna have to listen to this until they finish the album.'

On "Captain Jack" being the most requested song at a Philadelphia radio station: People would call up and say, "What's that song about the guy jerking off?"

On not liking "Captain Jack" anymore: It's dreary... I demoted him from Captain to Private.

On being asked the story behind his song "Roberta": I'll tell you what it's about when I look at the lyrics.

On the lyrics to "River of Dreams": From the mountains of faith / To the river so deep... I had no idea what the hell I was talking about.

And finally, here are three alternate lyrics he sings sometimes:

  • "She's Always A Woman": "She can ruin your face with her powerful thighs" instead of "She can ruin your faith with her casual lies"
  • "Uptown Girl": "Uptown girl, someone's squeezing my nuts right now" (because of the Frankie Valli falsetto) instead of "She's been living in an uptown world"
  • "Honesty": "Sodomy is hardly ever heard, and mostly what I need from you" instead of "Honesty is hardly ever heard, and mostly what I need from you"