It wasn't enough that 50 Shades Of Grey topped the NY Times Bestsellers list for a bajillion weeks in a row, or that it's going to be turned into a film series, or that the books have seduced our sultriest supermodels. No, for fans of the mommy porn series, it won't be enough until you can buy 50 Shades-emblazoned toothpaste to go with your kinky Christian Grey glow-in-the-dark toothbrush. And of course, the thriving 50 Shades of Grey secondary market is probably the only thing driving our economy these days. Below, we listed five of the most notable, bizarre, and altogether bad mommy porn tie-ins we've come across.

50 Shades Of Grey Travel: Hey, here's an idea—you have no overwhelming interest in travelling any place in particular, so why don't you plan your next vacation based around the locations the main characters would totally go to if, you know, they existed? It's not like travelling is even that expensive anymore, right? Here's the pitch:

If you’re looking to plan a trip but aren’t quite sure where to go, Trippy’s Fifty Shades of Grey board is a great jumping off point if you’re a fan of the series or are just intrigued by the cultural phenomenon and interested in how the series can serve as a guide for travelers. The Trippy board features the locations included in the book as well as some ideas for where a real-life Christian and Ana might visit.

50 Shades Of Grey Weekend Getaways: This one at least makes a little more sense—the whole point of the book is to inspire the libidos of housewives and their hubbies, right? 50 Shades has reportedly boosted Seattle and Portland tourism, with hotels marketing packages tailored to the softest of the softcore S&M crowd. And along with it comes classic creepy CNN stories with sentences like this: "One warning: S&M amenities aren't included, so you'll have to bring your own whips and chains."

And of course, it doesn't make much sense when the sexy-time packages are located in Brisbane, Australia.

50 Shades Of Grey Parties: It really feels like there has been a new 50 Shades-themed event every month: EL James book signings at Barnes And Noble, Toys In Babeland role-playing workshops, S&M Seduction Secrets at SideBAR, and even sex festivals.

If you want to take the plunge, there's a "Fifty Shades Of Exotic Dance" party on Friday, August 24th—"Attendees to explore their sensuality and their limits safely, with an open-mind and willingness to learn from our trained and disciplined instructors and performers." Just keep in mind, women and couples only.

50 Shades-Inspired Advertising Campaigns: Here's looking at you, Marc New York.

50 Shades Etsy Projects: Some have called it a "kinky lifestyle brand." But even that term doesn't do justice to the Tie Handcuffs Mask Necklaces and Red Room Of Pain Bling Bookmarks. Just browse the 2,000+ items here.