In 2013, there were futurism consultants who thought "Brooklyn is turning out to be the last three days of Burning Man."
In 2014, there were pubic hair investigations and profiles of 22-year-old narcissists.
But in 2016, much of the time we'd usually spend poring over Brunch Hate Reads was spent reading trenchant and depressing political commentary and news about Donald Trump, whose whole career is basically a giant hate read. The NY Times pulled off a lot of important, prescient and eye-opening reports this year—but they also were depraved enough to put oblivious "Snap Pack" flibbertigibbets on a pedestal just to laugh while they got disemboweled by the internet. Some things may change, but thankfully the Times hasn't fully given up their perverse fascination with the lives of the most oblivious people in NY (where else are we going to get our mason jar trend piece kicks?!?).
This year, we learned about mega-rich people's pursuit of "the four pack,", $600 grey hair dye jobs, and Arianna Huffington's killer sleep schedule. Below, take some antacid and check out the best of the worst Brunch Hate Reads.
5. The NY Times Discovers Ridgewood, Again & Again & Again & Again: You may already be familiar with The Next New Bushwickburg thanks to the many, many, many other times the Times has discovered Ridgewood over the last three decades. This was the perfect example of a particular breed of Real Estate stories: the ouroboros trend story.
4. Brunch Hate Reads: Break Out The Tiny Violins For Sad Aging Bachelors Who Yearn: Here's the story of lonely bachelors who are leaning into their mid-life crises and asking that age old question: can wildly successful aging playboys really have it all?
3. She's My Mother! She's My Landlord! She's My Mother! She's My Landlord! She's My Mother AND MY LANDLORD!' A reminder that "real estate nepotism" is never a good look, and your navel-gazing is just leaving readers seething with rage.
2. New Brooklyn Millennial Reveals The Secret To Being 'Adultish' This classic "Hunt" column had everything: Williamsburg, $400K down payments, the word "adultish," internships at residential design firms, contemporary Scandinavian homewares, and "younger vibes."
1. NY Times Engineers Ideal Style Section Story About Snapchat-Obsessed Rich Kids The best of the best, a beautiful love letter to Instagram-filtering, pajama-partying, method-acting 20-somethings just trying to hustle other rich people into buying their signature handkerchief silk charmeuse slip dresses while snapchatting scenes of their poor live-in housekeeper struggling to do household tasks.
PSA: The NY Times has a weakness for self-parodying trend-baiting, masochistic Millennial obsessing, and the perverse lifestyles of the filthy rich. If a reporter with the Real Estate, Style or Weekend sections approaches you about a story, just smile gently and run in the opposite direction. No one is forcing you to become representative of everything that everyone hates about New Yorkers.