New Yorker fears are different than the fears of residents living in other cities, and the fears brought on by the subway system are some of the realest. Once you're in a subway car you are trapped, left to confront (or ignore) your fear like the protagonist of a Wes Craven film. Below, we have ranked twenty fears New Yorkers attach to the subway system; please keep your own fears to yourself, we're all filled up here.

20. Your phone runs out of battery power during your commute, leaving you alone with just the abrasive cacophony of public transit, and not your podcast/music/audiobook.

19. This guy shows up.

18. A fellow straphanger sits down next to you and peels open a can of their favorite subway snack: sardines.

17. A group of children bursts into your train with recorders, which they do intend to "play."

16. The unknown: does that person scratching next to you have bedbugs? Is that guy across the aisle masturbating? Is that a used condom festooned on the subway pole?

15. Cramming yourself onto a crowded train car in August only to find there's no air conditioning.

14. Dropping your phone on the tracks.

13. Getting a ticket for putting your foot up on the seat.

12. A performance artist enters your car and tests out their new material.

11. A photo of you manspreading gets published on Gothamist.com.

10. A Showtime dancer kicks you in face.

9. You're making your way through the turnstile and realize there's that familiar yet eerie silence as you approach the stairs. The train is idling quietly there in that moment, doors open, people filtering out, and you're about to hear the cursed "BING BONG" of the doors closing. Yes, you JUST missed the train, why God?


8. A rat climbs on to you (it has happened!)

7. Sitting on shit/gum/unidentifiable liquid.

6. You're stuck on the train when really you need to be in a bathroom.

5. Running into an acquaintance, or ex, or Zardulu.

4. It's SantaCon! It's the No Pants Subway Ride Day! Etc.

3. The DOE: that's when the subway door opens while you're leaning on it.

2. Getting pushed on to tracks.

1. Clawing your way out of a stuck train that you've been trapped on.


Just kidding, real New Yorkers don't have fears.