Hey, thanks a lot, Daily News! Due to the Liza Minelli story headline alone, "Forced to have sex, bodyguard sez," we're sick. Some might find this okay, because the holidays are coming up and we need to detox in anticipation, but Gothamist loves our breakfast fare from the street cart in the morning. Of course, we had to read the article, which says that M'Hammed Soumayah is suing Minnelli for $100 million in damages in NYC courts, for sexual harrassment and physically assaulting him. It seems like Liza thought that Soumayah's $238,000 salary meant he had to love her, too. Damn, $238,000 is a lot of money, but that's still not enough for sex with Liza in our book. This echoes accusations from Liza's estranged husband, the embalmed-looking David Gest. We can understand beating David Gest, since he looks like a zombie. Anyway, this whole suit put Liza's character on Arrested Development, the sexed-up senior into a new light. And who knew Liza was only 58? Caution, kids, this is what a life of drinking, drugging, and marrying gay men can do.

The Smoking Gun had the documents from the lawsuit yesterday. And Gothamist on Liza with a Z.