What? No New Year's plans? Leaving it a bit late, no? Forget the overcrowded bars, the swarms of amateurs, the lame-o house parties. There are a ridiculous number of shows happening around town, some of which are worth your time and some of which not so much. Many of them are sold out, but it's highly possible you could score with the scalpers. Let's have a little look-see, shall we?

drdog.jpg2005 was a big year for hype beneficiaries Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, and now everyone and their roommate knows it because Time Out New York splashed them on their cover in very creative upside-down fashion. The show, also with the National and Dr. Dog (at right) at Irving Plaza, is sold out, but you could pay $200 for a pair on Craigslist, if you are a complete a-hole. It'll be the most expensive (yet effective) sedative you'll buy all year.

Will Patti Smith die already? The punk icon is hogging the Bowery Ballroom for about the 82nd year in a row. Gothamist is all for legendariness, but frankly we're a little tired of this gig.

jamesbrown.jpgSpeaking of legends, sweaty James Brown (at left) funks up BB King's. Make sure to leave about five hours early so you can wrestle your way through the hordes of Times Square losers. If you can't make it all the way over there, try to shove your fat ass into Connolly's on 45th with every other sixth-generation Irish-wannabe bridge-and-tunneler. They couldn't get the Pogues to play this year, so Black 47 is back (as every Saturday night).

At Cake Shop, there is purported awesomeness. Some band called Bill Cosby and the Pudding Pops is definitely playing, and some band that cannot be named (but can be linked) is also playing, but shhh. Don't tell the good folks at Knitting Factory. There you can party like it's 2002 with Radio 4, Tussle (officially), Vic Thrill, and Tim Fite.

The patchouli, armpit hair, and hyperextended jamming will all be free-flowing at Madison Square Garden, courtesy of North Mississippi All Stars, Trey Anastasio, and headliners the Black Crowes (My Morning Jacket dropped out). Tickets are about $75 after Ticketmaster gets done raping you. Drugs are sadly not included in the ticket price. If you prefer your jam-band scene slightly smaller, check out Gov't Mule at the Beacon or the Disco Biscuits at Hammerstein.

We are not even going to mention Yo La Tengo, who have been at Maxwell's all week. But you knew that, if you are cool. Fred Armisen and The Scene Is Now round out the lineup.

A bevy of indie-rock bands are at Mercury Lounge: Ambulance Ltd., Levy, The Big Sleep, and Surefire. At least one of those bands has to be somewhat decent, right? Right?

They Might Be Giants will build a little birdhouse in your soul at Northsix.

If money is no object, there's some good punk and garage rock going on at the Hard Rock Cafe, courtesy of Little Steven, with the New York Dolls, the Troggs, the Mooney Suzuki, the Chesterfield Kings, the Woggles, and the Charms. Tickets are $300 each and, rumor has it, include a signed guitar from Eddie Van Halen.

giraffes.jpgGothamist likes the metal-riffic Giraffes (at right) because they rock like only true mustachioed rock and roll beasts can. They're at Ace of Clubs. The dudes at Stereogum were making very loud love noises about their live show. We're thinking twenty bucks well spent.

Comments, anyone?

With additional reporting and mortsing by my assistant, Brian Jones.