WFMU's Tom Scharpling took to Twitter last night to send out some live transmissions of a close encounter with Lou Reed, who was enjoying some scones, coffee, and WiFi at a local Starbucks. Of course, none of this actually happened, but we feel pretty confident if it were to happen, the below is a pretty accurate play-by-play of what would unfold. You can view a larger version of the below "transcript" right here—it is, at the very least, more enjoyable than Reed's other recent contribution to society.