Taylor with Haim, via Instagram

Earlier today NYC's Global Welcome Ambassador was hacked. Below, we imagine how the morning played for Ms. Taylor Swift...

Taylor sits upright in her king size bed, which is stuffed with peacock feathers, alpaca fur, locks of Lorde's hair, and cumulous clouds. Her hands outstretched over her head, she lets out a single yawn, enough to expel any bad energy that may have seeped into her system overnight. Without making any further movements, a warm breeze swirls around her and Taylor is suddenly wearing the perfect shade of red lipstick, and her blizzard sweater paired with jeans and handmade socks one of the sisters in Haim knit her. She's now in the kitchen checking on her Tuesday morning breakfast pie, which is made of sugar crystals, humanely plucked hummingbird souls, teardrops of joy, and fruits you've never even heard of.

She checks her phone and finds a text from one of her BFFs:

Someone has hacked her Twitter and Instagram accounts, and is claiming to have nudes of her. But Ms. Swift is a never-nude:

Through the powers of the universe, which always has Ms. Swift's back, her Instagram and Twitter accounts were once again in the right hands, and as with anyone who has scorned her, she threw down some lyrics directed at her hackers...

All is now right with the world.