You may have heard there was some sort of election last night—but how can we really know what did or didn't happen if we don't first consult with the TV comedians?
Most of them even went live last night to cover the midterms, including Stephen Colbert, who kicked off his show with a pre-taped musical segment (that frankly wasn't very good) before updating everyone on the state of the election: "The Democrats have taken control of half of one of the three branches of government," Colbert said. "All the GOP has is the other half of Congress, the Supreme Court and a President who does whatever he wants."
Colbert then had himself a stiff drink while he processed the news that Ted Cruz had defeated Beto O'Rourke in Texas: “But then again, why wouldn’t Ted Cruz win in Texas because, at the end of the day, real cowboys only love three things: barbecue, rodeo and Canadians who went to Princeton and Harvard," Colbert noted. "Ted Cruz beat Beto O’Rourke, although, by not being Ted Cruz, Beto is still a winner."
Jimmy Kimmel opened his own live show saying Tuesday felt like "America is in the doctor's office waiting for our STD results to come back." As for who is the biggest loser? "No matter what happens, whether you are Republican or Democrat, I think we can all agree that the big loser this year is all of our Thanksgiving dinners." As with everyone else in America, he did get a pretty good joke in at Cruz's expense: "Ted Cruz did manage to keep his seat," he said. "The only way to get rid of Ted Cruz is to pour salt on him when he crawls onto your driveway."
But the best part of Kimmel's broadcast was when guest Sacha Baron Cohen revealed he had brought Borat out of retirement to "do election tampering" for Donald Trump. As he said to one Trump supporter, "But what is a problem being a racist? I am a racist and it’s nice!"
Seth Meyers—also live!—joked that Trump was at home rewatching the election results from 2016; guest Billy Eichner talked about Trump's tax returns; Late Night writer Amber Ruffin recapped what was going on in the world outside of the midterms; and best of all, Meyers had a 10+ minute long "Closer Look" at the Democrats taking back the House. And he focused on the positives: "Hey, if you been in the desert for two years, a little splash of water feels like a damn tsunami, so come on!"
And on The Daily Show, Trevor Noah was as obsessed with Idris Elba being named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive as he was with the midterm results. After he excitedly announced that Dems had taken the House, the crowd erupted: "Wow, you guys are almost as excited as Rachel Maddow," Noah said. "When she heard the news, she just exploded into a pile of ‘I Voted’ stickers."