So many things are too good to be true, especially when dealing with the overflowing back alley garbage bin that is Craigslist. But while you may not snag that internship with Beyonce or that free human-sized hamster wheel, good things still can be found on the site, especially if you're looking to get into tortoise walking or looking for "professional player" roommates. And we have now chanced upon the steal of the day: a $100 life-sized recreation of Jabba The Hutt.
The listing states that it took six weeks to create the life-sized Jabba from "from PVC pipe, industrial plastic wrap, foam, chicken wire, stretchy cloth, and spray paint." Once you read the Craigslist listing, you too will realize this is the thing that has been missing from your life:
I'm sure you've been sitting on your couch thinking to yourself, "You know, this hole in my life that I currently fill with Mountain Dew and Doritos would be so much better filled by the most powerful crime lord in the galaxy." Well friend, today is your lucky day. I have a genuine, bona fide DIY homemade Jabba the Hutt to fulfill all of your hopes and dreams and quiet the voices in your head that always said, "You'll never own an actual life-sized Jabba the Hutt. That's only for rich people who eat caviar and jet pack to their third home in the Hamptons."
Jabba's help knows no bounds. Need a way to spice up a nerdy promposal? Need Jabba to officiate your geeky wedding? Do you have have complex taxes across three states in the same year you won the lottery? I'm not saying Jabba won't help you with those things, but Jabba does his own thing and can't be told what to do. He's a player. Will random women come up and voluntarily chain themselves to Jabba? I cannot say that will happen, but please refer to the photos included for ample evidence this will definitely, absolutely happen to you if you buy Jabba from me.
In case you're worried this listing is as real as those free piñatas, we have some good news: Jabba really was spotted out in the real world last week for Halloween, along with the hashtag #ParkSlopeJabba. You can see a few below:
View this post on Instagram
#latepost #happyhalloween #halloween #art #parkslopejabba It was amazing!!!!!!
A post shared by 👑 Matriarch 👑 (@_clary.g_) on
View this post on Instagram
I usually keep my Halloween plans secret until the day, but no more teasing! Behold my creation - Jabba the Hutt! Come see him in person on the 31st along with my costume and more in Park Slope on 5th Avenue at 2nd Street. Shout outs to @timythy for knowing cool people and @canalrubber for hooking me up with a ton of foam and super shout out to @narleeblazencrash without whom Jabba would look significantly less awesome. #ParkSlopeJabba #JabbaTheHutt #ParkSlope #Halloween #halloweencostume
A post shared by Tony Mansour (@wireful) on
If you are seriously interested in Jabba, respond to the Craigslist posting, but keep in mind: he comes in eight light pieces, you're probably gonna need a full-sized van to transport him, and you'll have to go to
the Great Pit of Carkoon Greenwood Heights/Sunset Park to pick him up.