It's time for a little pre-holiday "Ladies of the Jersey Shore" roundup, so you'll have something to talk about with your 14-year-old cousin this weekend. First up, Snooki: she's being sued for $7 million by a licensing company that claims she didn't hold up her end of an agreement to pimp out everything from school supplies to lingerie. The suit is technically a counterclaim to the lawsuit Snooki filed in October, in which she claimed the licensing company didn't fulfill their obligation to "secure enough money and develop sufficient branding partnerships." Got that? Good. Just tell your cousin it's important to always follow through if you agree to sell what's left of your spray-tanned soul.

Next up, there's J-WOWW, who, instead of pimping her name out for someone else's product, is pimping her name out for her own swimsuit line. It's predictably skimpy (never forget Filthy Couture), but more importantly, it's made with a "revolutionary patented silicone based adhesive," so you can take off the straps without exposing your ladyparts. In other words, it's a giant Band-aid for your boobs. Just look at those pictures! Amazing. Tell your cousin to be more like J-WOWW the swimsuit scientist.

Finally, Sammi, who is "obsessed with straightening her hair," got a makeunder from XOJane, and looks almost like a human. Bravo, Sammi, you're a role model for girls everywhere.