Saturday Night Live wasted no time in tackling the Brett Kavanaugh Senate hearing in its 44th season premiere by featuring the latest celebrity cameo in the Trump Administration era: Matt Damon played the Yalie federal judge who loves beer with florid rage. "Let me tell you this," he barked, "I'm gonna start at an 11 and I'm gonna take it up to a 15 REAL QUICK!"
"First of all, I showed this speech to almost no one," Damon as Kavanaugh declared in the 13-minute cold open. "Not my family, not my friends, not even P.J. Or Tobin or Squi. This my speech There are others like it but it is mine. I wrote it myself last night while screaming into an empty bag of Doritos."
It was the manifestation of the Kavanaugh many people saw on Thursday: An apparent rage alcoholic clinging to outrage. In the sketch, "Kavanaugh" bitterly complained:
- "Now, I'm usually an optimist. I'm a keg is half full kind of guy. But what I've seen from the monsters on this committee makes me want to puke — and not from beer."
- "Dr. Ford has no evidence. None. Meanwhile, I've got these... I've got these calendars... These beautiful, creepy calendars. About lifting weights with P.J. and Squi and Donkey Dong Doug."
- "That’s impossible because I didn’t have sex for many, many, many years. All I did was drink a lot and not think about having sex at all. I was the proudest, drunkest virgin you have ever seen and everyone can relate to that."
- "Well, guess what, I’m not backing down, you sons of bitches. I don’t know the meaning of the word 'stop.'"
As our Ben Yakas observed, "A lot of credit goes to Matt Damon, who perfectly inhabited Kavanaugh's sniffling, angry frat bro persona to a tee. Perfect casting. If you're going to bring a famous outside actor to play a major character on the show, and take screen time—and comedic opportunities—from the regular cast, you better as hell nail it. And with Damon as Kavanaugh, they actually did. this is probably the best outside casting the show has done since Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer."
The senators featured in the sketch were Chuck Grassley (Alex Moffat), Dianne Feinstein (Cecily Strong), Orrin Hatch (Beck Bennett), John Kennedy (Kyle Mooney), Sheldon Whitehouse (Pete Davidson), Cory Booker (Chris Redd), Amy Klobuchar (alum Rachel Dratch), and Lindsay Graham (a perfect Kate McKinnon). After being introduced as the "human shield" for Republican senators, "female assistant"—aka veteran sex crimes prosecutor—Rachel Mitchell, portrayed by Aidy Bryant, appeared at the "baby desk" to say, "I'm here mostly for Twitter," adding, "Although everyone will constantly refer to me as 'female prosecutor,' you can really just call me 'prosecutor.'"