A year ago, micro penis owners across Brooklyn were the focus of Kings County Bar's first ever Smallest Penis In Brooklyn Pageant—the ultimate wet t-shirt contest for infinitesimal penises. The event was such a diminutive hit, they've decided to continue the tradition: the second annual Smallest Penis In Brooklyn Pageant will take place on Saturday, June 14th at the Bushwick bar.
Here's all the important info about the event for any prospective participants:
Our expert judges will take every little thing into account, including the contestants’ poise in both evening wear and bathing wear, talent, personality, and how well they represent the ideal of a man with a small dong. This day is about celebrating the fun-sized guys. Well-hung men shouldn't even think about crashing, they will be ejected from the pageant and humiliated! Anyone who is interested in becoming a contestant, or who would like to be a judge (little experience required), please send email to SPB.Brooklyn@gmail.com. You must be over 21, and you must be able to attend in person (no photo or video entries.)
Admission for the day will cost $5, first come first serve; there's a limited number of VIP seats (find out more here), which come with micro-bottle service and "personal attention from a penis kitten." We're working on clarifying what that means. In addition to a crown, the title of Mr. Smallest Penis In Brooklyn 2014, and the undeniable envy of your peers, the winner of the contest will also receive a cash donation to the charity of his choice (which could be himself).
You can read our account of last year's festivities, which was inspired by bar manager Aimee Arciuolo's own personal experiences. You can also read an interview with last year's winner, Nick Gilronan, who discussed promoting positive body images, and what a fun time he had: "The staff at King County Bar were all terrific and nice, always respectful. The crowd was great as well. Everyone seemed to just relax and have a bit of fun for the afternoon, which is good."