via urbanblitz's flickr

Earlier this year office scold* John Del Signore issued a fatwa on the No Pants Subway Ride, calling it an "inane exercise in half-assed exhibitionism." Prior to that he called for an end to SantaCon, that special time of year when drunken adults dressed as Santa (and slutty Santa) stumble around our streets to the horror of children and adults alike. Even the most jovial of staffers at Gothamist HQ had to agree with his points. But this Saturday comes one of the most dangerous of group activities: the annual Pillow Fight in Washington Square Park (moving this year from Union Square). This isn't just "war on fun," there are two simple reasons why this event should be banned:

  • Dirty bed bug-filled pillows
  • Rocks, or heavy or sharp objects, in pillows (it's been rumored!)

The organizer of the event insists that "after running 12 pillow fights in 2 countries, and monitoring hundreds worldwide, we can report that there has never been a brick or rock found in any pillow. The hardest thing anybody has ever reported is a pair of jeans, which was promptly removed upon discovery." Reached for a comment on the Pillow Fight, Del Signore told us, "Pillows are for smothering lazy unwanted children and pretending to be pregnant to get a seat on the train, not for precious public displays of mass infantilization. Grow up and get a job, bums!" And then he pulled a muscle in his blogging arm by shaking his fist so furiously at the sky. We're thinking about putting him down.

*Del Signore tells us he actually enjoys a lot of things, "like ironic magic shows, Steely Dan, and a meticulously prepared Tom Collins on a hot summer day." He also approves of Idiotorad, at least until this year's fiasco.