Hail Cthulhu, our squid-faced Elder God whose blessed return will herald the end of the pestilence known as humanity and begin a reign of madness in all corners. Most mythos regarding the Lovecraftian god suggest that Cthulhu slumbers deep in the Pacific Ocean, but a brave band of canoe captains have planned their Halloween around a different theory: that Cthulhu sleeps here in New York, somewhere in the murky depths of the vile Newtown Creek. Do you dare search him out?

Seeing as how just opening your favorite website every day can sometimes make you feel as if you've stared into the face of madness itself, you might as well join the North Brooklyn Boat Club for their Cthulhu-themed canoe ride along the Newtown Creek on October 28th. Will you perhaps come across evidence of the cosmic beings? Or will you instead just stir up a few Cthukens that people made and couldn't bring themselves to eat?

For just $30, a guide will take you along the creepy post-industrial muck that is the polluted creek, while keeping an eye out for cultists exalting His name and promising His return (a ticket will also get you a free drink at the post-ride party). Hopefully the cultists won't be as racist as H.P. Lovecraft himself was, and also hopefully their slavish devotion will soon by rewarded with the rise of the Elder Gods to bathe the Earth in darkness, madness and tentacles.

After the canoe ride, you can hang out on the banks of the creek for a party, featuring food, drinks and a bonfire. A bonfire in which you will all chant the sacred words "ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"? Possibly!