Photo by Katie Sokoler/Gothamist
How drunk and loud do you have to be to get banned from Hell's Kitchen? There's no actual barometer with which to measure, but turns out it's somewhere around Santacon levels of boorishness. Which is somewhere around First College Party Drunk and Drunk Uncle Drunk. Anyway, slow clap to the dedicated attendees of the annual SantaCon: you managed to get too wasted and rowdy for Hell's Kitchen.
According to DNAInfo, so many locals complained about the "drunken louts" that took over the neighborhood during Santacon's slow, sloppy crawl through the city that the anonymous organizers caved and will reroute this year's event. They even sent a message to the residents of the neighborhood: "As far as us coming to Hell's Kitchen this year, you don't have anything to worry about. SantaCon changes its route every year. Happy Sukkot." But the residents aren't buying it: "It's an anonymous email, so how can we trust it? We don't even know who these people are." But don't you? They are people of your nightmares, and your children's nightmares, and our Managing Editor John Del Signore's nightmares—he is still unable to speak about much of what he saw after embedding himself in the event last year in a Santa Claus costume.
The group is so large and amorphous that there will no doubt still be plenty of drunk St. Nicks who peel off from the main bar crawl to go urinate liberally throughout Hell's Kitchen. The only solution, really, is to stop SantaCon all together—who's with us?
