SantaCon, the city's least favorite Santa flashmob and most unwelcome overgrown frat party, is taking place at bars and venues across Midtown this Saturday, when the ho-ho-hordes will stuff into Manhattan for a daylong celebration of browning out. But they may not be able to pregame quite as hard as they had hoped: the MTA announced this week that they're banning alcohol from all Metro-North and Long Island Rail Road trains and stations for a 32 hour period coinciding with the festivities.

The ban, which the MTA has been doing on this day for a couple years now in an attempt to curb the amount of puke being merrily expressed onto trains and other passengers, will be in effect beginning 4 a.m. on Saturday, December 11th, through noon on Sunday, December 12th.

“There may be riders coming back to the train for the first time since the start of the pandemic,” said MTA Police Chief Joseph McGrann. “It is important we do everything we can to maintain orderly travel so that everyone can enjoy their holiday plans by getting to their destinations smoothly and on time.” The MTA adds that masks must be worn on all trains during the entirety of one’s trip.

SantaCon 2021: SnOmicron Cometh will kick off at 10 a.m. Saturday at 40th Street and Broadway. Most of the participating bars—which includes Margaritaville, Beer Authority, Reichenbach Beer Hall, Tara Rose, Peter Dillons, Scallywags, Scouts, Legends and more—are located in Midtown East and West, though there are a few stragglers in the East Village. You can go to the official website here to get a detailed look at the cursed places you'll want to avoid this weekend.

And finally, there's a new dating app called Meetnorth, which bills itself as "New York City’s first spontaneous in-person dating app," which is partnering with SantaCon to "enhance the SantaCon experience for the tens of thousands who participate." This has inspired me to write a pitch for a new holiday romcom set during this vomitorious occasion, and I wanted to share it with all of you, friends:

He was a finance bro sharing a studio apartment with four people in Hoboken. She was the apprentice to a popular phone psychic based out of Manhasset. They both carried flasks of Fireball and had questionable vaccine status. This Christmas, they'll use their wits and fake vax cards to cheat their way to romance in...The SantaCon.

Netflix, my email is, please reach out.