Two double espresso shots now hosting 'Live'

In the history of Live, the co-hosts have always worked for one reason, and it's the same reason most romantic relationships work: you've got two personality types.

We started with Regis Philbin and Kathie Lee Gifford, where the former's role was mostly to react to the latter's jovial morning show filler talk. Then Kelly Ripa stepped in as Philbin's new co-host, amazingly providing even more energy than Gifford, and ultimately stealing the show because Ripa is a goddamn gem and doesn't even need a co-host.

Still, when Philbin left she got a new one—Michael Strahan filled the empty seat, but he eventually turned his back on Ripa while securing himself a new position at Good Morning America.

Ripa was once again alone, holding the whole thing together by herself and succeeding because she is a powerhouse, but she's getting a new co-host anyway, and it's Ryan Seacrest.

This is simply too much energy for one morning show. Please reconsider.

Seacrest is basically the Ripa of men, meaning not only is he wealthy, white, successful, and in the same age bracket, but he is also a positive energy merchant. There is only room for one of those. Might we suggest a personality type closer to a Charles Bukowski or even a Michael Shannon.

According to reports, Seacrest "will host the show four days a week from New York, and spend the rest of his week in Los Angeles." The news was confirmed earlier this morning on Live: