Rick Perry isn't the only Texan with a pair of famous balls: remember Lance Armstrong? You know, the guy who used to have sex with Sheryl Crow and may or may not have used performance-enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France seven times? No? Ok—the guy who made all those little yellow bracelets that people wear as a badge to let you know they're a good person? That's the one! Well he wants you to run "4-5 miles thru the city" with him, tonight at 6 p.m.

Originally Lance wanted everyone to meet at Nike Town, but then someone may have told him that may have been a little too much of a shill, so now everyone's meeting at the Globe at Columbus Circle (59th & Central Park West). Be careful, though: anyone who beats Armstrong must then go to the batting cages at Chelsea Piers and "take 80 mile-an-hour balls to the chest until we see who pukes first." Also, be sure to leave your Livestrong Bracelet behind if you're feeling queasy at mile three.