One UWS resident has managed to discover what the curators of every haunted house in the city probably never will: There is literally nothing more terrifying than childbirth, particularly when your spawn is grinning like a goddamn madman during its hectic (but remarkably viscera-free) descent from the womb. If my kid comes out smiling like that, you better believe I will be shoving it right back in.

The perverse scene is currently going down on West 99th Street between Riverside Drive and West End Avenue, presumably on the stoop of a home whose owner you do not want to fuck with. (Did you make this thing, or know the person who did? Email us please.)

While we've been mercifully spared rivers of blood or leaking innards or gourd cannibalism seen in other, more bombastic displays, its subtlety also contributes to the overall, deeply unsettling effect: Why is one of its eyes green? Where is the camera crew? What is the stem supposed to be and did it chew its way out using that awful collection of teeth?

Anyway, the pumpkinfant won't be smiling for long, once it leaves the safety of its mother's doting carrot limbs. Hey kid, you ever seen a monitor lizard?

(Via West Side Rag)