remystern_big.jpgThe Basics
Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
I’m 29. I’m a writer and do some consulting work part-time. I worked at a monstrous entertainment conglomerate for the last few years and then escaped the corporate world to pursue my writing along with a couple of other, more creative projects. I grew up in the city – on the Upper West Side – went to college in Massachusetts and have been back here ever since. I live in the East Village.

Three for You
1. Got any long term goals beyond NewYorkish.com? Like, do you wanna write for tv, movies, Bush speeches?
I finished up a novel and a screenplay recently. But those projects can take ages from the time you begin to the time people actually see the finished product. That, I guess, is why I keep up a blog in my spare time: It’s nice to have an outlet where the results (or lack thereof) are instantaneous.

2. NewYorkish started as a weekly satire webzine and later relaunched as a weblog. What was the reason for this? Did you suddenly feel 5 times more funny?
Putting something up on the Web on a weekly basis doesn’t work terribly well. And I suppose I also got tired of satirical news. It gets really boring to write – not to mention read – after a while. And then there’s the beauty of the blog format, which is a wonderful way to self-publish on a regular basis.

3. How can one tell the difference between someone who is gay or NewYorkish?
I don’t think there’s much of a difference actually – aside from the anal sex, of course. People outside New York might refer to a guy who wears black, uses hair care products and moisturizes as “New Yorkish.” But “New Yorkish” could also used as another way of saying bitchy: “God, that club has such a fuckin’ New Yorkish attitude! They wouldn’t let anyone inside!” Or you could use it as a code word for ethnic: “We considered admitting Irv Goldbaum and Vito DiGiovanni, but we decided they might be a little too ‘New Yorkish’ for the Darien Country Club.”

Proust-Krucoff Questionnaire
Please share a personal (and hopefully interesting) NYC taxi story.
A few years ago, I actually convinced a cab driver to let me drive his cab late one evening. I was shocked he was willing to let me take the wheel, but he happily moved to the back seat (my friend who was with me wasn’t terribly thrilled although this was years before cabbies had started becoming rapists). Driving a cab seemed like fun – it’s almost like you have a license to cut across five lanes of traffic, fail to signal, and no one would be the least bit surprised – but I was just frightened I’d get hauled off to jail for impersonating a cab driver so I drove really cautiously. When we’d arrived where we were going, I gave the driver a big tip – I figured he’d taken an enormous risk by letting me drive – but I then learned that this was his last week driving a cab which was why he really didn’t care.

9pm, Wednesday - what are you doing?
I don’t know – I suppose I’m usually at home, working. But if anyone has any better ideas, let me know.

What's your New York motto?
Stand clear of the closing doors.

Where do you summer?
In air-conditioned buildings, in air-conditioned restaurants, in air-conditioned stores, and under one of the very few air vents that’s been installed on NYC subway platforms.

Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
Probably the time I had a brief but very friendly chat with one of my favorite actors, Philip Seymour Hoffman, on the subway one random morning. It was perfect. He was totally disheveled, eating a muffin and had a copy of the Times under his arm. He looked like a math teacher on his way to school.

What was your best dining experience in NYC?
Probably something I ate at 4AM after a night of heavy drinking.

What's the most expensive thing in your wardrobe?
I bought an expensive Dolce & Gabbana suit after I snagged tickets to the Grammys a couple of years ago but then forgot to bring it with me. It didn’t really matter: I learned that if you’re not famous, they sort of rush you down the red carpet really quickly so you don’t take up space as the much more important people file in.

Just how much do you really love New York?
So much so that if the City of New York seceded from the rest of the U.S. and people were swimming across the Hudson River to attack us, I might be persuaded to put on fatigues and fight.

What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
In the course of 4 days, I think I visited In-N-Out and Fatburger about three times a piece. If there’s one thing New York City is lacking, it’s greasy, e. coli-ridden fast food restaurants.

If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?
I’d raise the tolls to come to NYC to $20 a person, but the toll would only be in place on weekends. It wouldn’t be designed to punish the people who commute for work, just a way to discourage the big groups that show up in Manhattan on Friday and Saturday nights. And while the $20 toll wouldn’t really reduce the number of white Hummer limos with blue neon trim and yellow Jersey license plates, at least we wouldn’t have to hear the mayor complain about balancing the budget. Runner up: I’d consolidate all 8,291 parades that take place in the city into one giant daylong parade so we wouldn’t have to deal with all the traffic hassles every Saturday and Sunday during spring and summer. And wouldn’t it be nice to see Puerto Ricans, Jews, German-Americans, and blue-eyed gay amputees of Danish descent all marching together?

The End of The World is finally happening. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in NYC?
I’d go to the video store and rent “Gigli,” “Waterworld,” “Battlefield Earth,” and “Ishtar” and I’d spend my final hours watching them over and over again. I imagine I would end up greeting death with open arms.


Remy edits the site NewYorkish.com which is only spirtually related to Gothamist.