Why is it so hard to just get your jollies on at the library in peace? Last week, two men got into a good old-fashioned fistfight over the amount of time one was taking to watch his porn in the Brooklyn Public Library. Today, the library is scrambling to defend our God-given right to self-pleasure in the comfort of their walled-in viewing stations, following a Catholic League-quoting report from The Post.

The article quotes Catholic League president Bill Donohue saying, perhaps unsurprisingly, that, "What they're doing is publicly funding an appetite for the most debased fare available." Library officials say this isn't nearly as big of an issue as recent press has made it out to be, however, and add that there have been "virtually no complaints" about the availability of adult content. That's likely because their tracking software indicates that the number of patrons who use library computers for viewing porn or porn-esque material hovers between .5 and 1%. (This doesn't include those who rent from their fine variety of softcore available, or search for that VHS copy of Austin Powers spliced with scenes from hardcore skin flicks.)

For that aforementioned .5 to 1%, the library provides "privacy screens" for any customers viewing "questionable material, and every computer in the library's system is enabled with filtering software in accordance with the Children's Internet Protection Act. On top of that, the entire teen/children computer area is completely blocked off from said questionable material.

 "The viewing of 'adult content' is something the New York Public Library takes very seriously. In deference to the first amendment, The New York Public Library cannot prevent adult patrons from accessing 'adult content' that is legal...Our libraries have long abided by the first amendment in these matters—this is absolutely nothing new," wrote NYPL Public Relations director Angela Montefinise in a statement, adding that they gave the Post the same less-than-1% of users statistic.

So, small percentage, the Catholic League may not support your decision to view porn in the library, but the Constitution's got your back.