What Will You Do The Day Before The Rapture Wipes Us Out?
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<p>Inquiring Harold Camping asks</p>
<strong>Mayor Bloomberg</strong>: Fly out from Bermuda (you think he'd spend the night before the Rapture in NYC?) and head to Philip Morris International headquarters (...in NYC!). Dress up like a vigilante superhero (perhaps donning <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/03/27/photos_mayor_bloomberg_shows_his_uh.php">your Inner Circle outfit</a>, as seen above) and burn those cigarette-peddlers to the ground (ignore the fact you're creating massive amounts of smoke in the process). End day by making <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/10/14/mayor_bloomberg_pissed_zuccotti_par.php">one last grouchy stab</a> at kicking OWS protesters out of Zuccotti Park, for old time's sake—then catch a Broadway play, <a href="http://gothamist.com/2010/12/27/bloomberg_city_is_doing_fine_if_you.php">ignoring the destruction</a> all around you.
<strong>Donald Trump</strong>: Develop a sudden onset case of <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2011/04/donald-trump-mark-singer.html">"interior life"</a> by taking those "yards and yards of gold silk" <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/08/18/video_inside_donald_trumps_private.php"> inside your private 747 Trumplane</a> and putting them to good use: knitting some sweaters for those <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/10/19/psa_please_knit_these_penguins_some.php">adorable penguins</a> (who will obviously be saved). End day by revealing terrible secret <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/03/23/video_donald_trump_kim_jong-il_both.php">about hair</a>: that's actually how it looks when you come out of the shower.
<strong>Alec Baldwin</strong>: Get in some morning yoga with hot young girlfriend, finally master the "Half Lord Of The Fishes Pose;" get afternoon drinks with brothers (<a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/06/15/baldwin_vs_baldwin_stephen_hints_at.php">excluding Stephen</a>); record series of monologues pontificating on how much the <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/09/10/alec_baldwins_starbucks_tweet_inspi.php">NY Post sucks</a>. Close out the day by having a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI">well-deserved cup</a> of Starbucks coffee.
<strong>Occupy Wall Street protesters</strong>: Finally give in and admit you are kind of stuck in a classic Hollywood "can't live with them/can't live without them" relationship with corporations as you fondle your Macbook Air. Afternoon drum circle break. Finally kick out those weirdo Ron Paul fanatics, who have totally been cramping your style. Occupy the bathrooms in the neighborhood for one last clandestine toke.
<strong>Jimmy McMillan</strong>: Come to the sudden realization that rent is <em>not</em> the <a href="http://gothamist.com/tags/jimmymcmillan">only thing that matters</a> in this world. Put your money where your mouth is and <a href="http://gothamist.com/2011/02/12/jimmy_mcmillan_owns_cpac.php">get married to a shoe</a>. No need to do anything else—go straight to heaven, buddy.