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<em>New Yorker</em> Caption Contest With Jonathan Ames

<p>Who's my father?</p>


<p>I've been seeing another witch. I thought you should know.</p>


<p>Be careful! Homeland Security can hear everything now-a-days. </p>



<p>The good news is you're not going to die today, but I wouldn't get a new mortgage.</p>


<p>I hate these eco-friendly bulbs. You can't see anything!</p>


<p>You're really straight?</p>