Former teen Justin Bieber is in NYC today to perform on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon—but before he headed there to kick it with Salman Rushdie and The Roots, Biebs took a detour to Midtown to kick it with some ollies and kickflips and other skateboarding words. We learned two important things: Bieber suffers from prominent elastic underwear waist syndrome, and he is really bad at skateboarding.

Like, really, really bad:

Like he doesn't know an acid drop from a McTwist:

But seriously, these are really simple moves he's trying and wiping out on, this is like Baby's First Skateboarding Trick:

At least Bieber is aware of the laws around NYC—he clearly knows that it is 100% legal for men or women to be topless here.

Then again, maybe Bieber actually doesn't know how to wear shirts? Maybe he's had handlers help him put on his shirts all his life and now that he's an Adult who makes Adult Decisions like whether or not to cry on national television, he is trying to do everything for himself, except today he reached the farthest extent of this experiment he's willing to venture.

What the hell is this.

This prompted a lot of questions & reactions from Gothamist staffers:

  • What's with his pants
  • Is that...swamp ass?
  • Is Bieber a butt?
  • I cannot wait for Kate McKinnon's parody
  • I thought this happened already
  • Why is he...wearing his shirt like that?
  • Has he forgotten how to shirt?

Somebody gently tell Bieber this is not how to shirt.