Between the Rosé shortages, the botox crises, helicopter bans, fornicating yupster Bros and the condom-flinging #Sprayathon2016 hordes, the sterling reputation of the Hamptons has really taken a hit in recent years. It makes sense that the few remaining hard-poloing, hard-partying millionaires trying to keep the dream of the Hamptons alive would resort to more and more extreme means to keep the riff raff out.

So it went for Sir Ivan Wilzig, a banker-turned-musician and philanthropist whom the News reports celebrated his 60th birthday with a summertime "Garden of Eden themed party" at his 10-acre Hamptons estate. To really hammer home the seriousness of the soiree, Wilzig had drone security guards monitoring the 700+ guests he invited to his home, which has gained the reputation as being the "Playboy Mansion of the Hamptons." (Thrillist once called it "a rich dude's sex dungeon mansion in the Hamptons.")

As Wilzig comfortingly wrote on Facebook, "According to the Bible, God sees everything... But just in case he misses someone, I've got my drones." The guests were apparently encouraged to frolic in their birthday suits in honor of the occasion (which was taking eight months after Wilzig's actual birthday, for those keeping track of such things), which to me would send up a lot of red flags about how much those drones were recording, but hey, my invitation was apparently lost in the mail, so what do I know?

Mostly, it sounds like a very fine way to spend a Saturday evening if you're into hairy-chested dudes who like to make "pop-dance remakes of 1960s and early 1970s peace songs" in their sweaty sex dungeons with "bathrooms [dusted] with glitter and cocaine residue." Don't believe me? Just check out Wikipedia's very unbiased (and very unattributed) writeup of the occasion:

Sir Ivan is an unrepentant party animal. On August 20, 2016, he gave a lavish come-au-naturel party in Water Mill, NY. It was a birthday bash (his, naturally), and many of the 700-plus guests cavorted in their birthday suits, some enjoying their host’s opulent house, others finding intimacy in the more bucolic setting of the 10-acre woods that surround it. The verdict? “A Good Time Was Had by All.”

Here is a screenshot in case you don't believe me, although I don't know why you wouldn't.