If there's one thing that every well-heeled gentleman should know, it's how to carry a teeny cup of espresso and a shopping bag from your favorite espresso designer while rolling the wrong way up a Manhattan street on your Dutch bicycle.
Take it from Hans (an assumption, but come on), the apotheosis of European riding stye: Does Hans have impeccably moussed hair? Hans does, yes. Are Hans's slacks fitted to perfection by the wizened hands of Milan's finest tailor? Yes, Umberto is a genius, Hans would see no one else. What does Hans carry in his Nespresso Boutique bag? Hans carries exactly one set of Premium Espresso Gold Cups, as they match both Hans's flaxen hair and the band on his Bon Bon Bodywear briefs. (That's $40 a pair, you Folgers-bound plebeian.)
When Hans isn't riding a bicycle the wrong way through the streets of Midtown, he's riding a Lipizzan horse through a crowded Syrian marketplace. When he's not holding a little espresso on a bike, he's holding an exotic songbird while driving a Hennessy Venom through a preschool playground. Hans navigates 8th Avenue with the same breezy nonchalance with which he navigated the stunning Breton coast last week.
Indeed, it's good being Hans. It sucks being everyone else trying to navigate around him and his stupid tiny drink.