Actor Jake Gyllenhaal has been commuting among us for years now, lulling NYers to sleep and walking the fine line between staying incognito and pulling off a homeless Adrian Grenier-esque look. Just this week, a Redditor said he spotted Gyllenhaal on the N train (see above) dressed "like a semi hip-hoppy teen."
You could chalk this up to Gyllenhaal being the rare down-to-earth celebrity who really appreciates and takes advantage of NYC's mass transit.
Or you could see the truth.
It's just like Andy Warhol said: in the future, everyone will sit next to Jake Gyllenhaal on the subway for 15 minutes (or at least until their stop).
You might not remember that you sat next to Jake Gyllenhaal, but you did.
You may not have even realized that you were sitting next to Jake Gyllenhaal, but you did.
You may in fact be sitting next to him
Still don't believe? Here's but a smattering of Tweets from eyewitnesses, the consciously conscious, who soaked in the ethers of Jake Gyllenhaal's presence. Note: this is only from 2014, and this only includes people who can spell his name (mostly) correctly.
ok i swear jake gyllenhaal and i were in the subway together but he was incognito so idk whats real 😭
— Nora Cusanelli (@nora_cusanelli) April 2, 2014
not only did my sister stand across from Jake Gyllenhaal on the subway, but when they got off at the same stop he called her beautiful #wow
— Sydney Squatrito (@sydn3yx3) March 30, 2014
My friend got on an empty subway car with Jake Gyllenhaal. Just her and Jakey G. No one else.
— Serenity Strull (@SerenityStrull) March 29, 2014
Holy shit!!! I just rode the subway with Jake Gyllenhaal!!! My life is complete
— Christine Pagano (@MoreChristine) March 28, 2014
NO ONE IS GOING TO BELIEVE ME BUT JAKE GYLLENHAAL WAS RIGHT NEXT TO ME ON THE SUBWAY!!!!
— Joe Di Mauro (@JoeDiMauro) March 24, 2014
[Editor's Note: Literally everybody believes you, now]
When Jake Gyllenhaal gets in your subway, people watch and sit opposite you. SOZ WHAT?? ily x 999999999999 - marry me.
— Yan Yan (@parfasseux) November 17, 2014
So i saw jake gyllenhaal walk out of the subway in new york today....and i practically shit my pants
— elaine cralli (@elainecralli) November 15, 2014
Is Jake Gylenhall washed up or just filming something in NY, i saw him in Canal st. train station looking mad scruffy with fear pack 4s on
— Dave the skydiver (@Fourth_Letter) May 15, 2014
I SWEAR TO GOD JAKE GYLLENHAL IS ON MY TRAIN
— inactive rn sorry (@cashdgaf) August 19, 2014
I miss New York. It's the only place you can be wasted and see jake gyllenhaal riding the subway at 2am, sending you into a crazy mindfuck.
— Electric Jesus (@Electric__Jesus) October 14, 2014
Hi incognito Jake Gyllenhal on the N train at 42nd St
— Justin Violini (@TheJustinV) September 3, 2014
I forgot to tell you guys but I am 99% sure I sat next to jake gyllenhaal on the subway today
— danica (@ianbrennans) October 9, 2014
[Editor's Note: you do not sit next to Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal chooses to sit next to you.]
and jake gyllenhaal sat next to me on the subway #nyc
— Olivia (@livessence_3) October 7, 2014
— Andrew Ramirez (@aandrewramirezz) September 14, 2014
Me and my friend just chased Jake Gyllenhaal down the subway. Wtf
— Andrew Ramirez (@aandrewramirezz) September 13, 2014
— Theresa Jean (@Rex_x_x) March 22, 2014
And this, the greatest Jake Gyllenhaal subway spotting in history, is the stuff of legend:
Today I witnessed Jake Gyllenhaal drop his bagel on the subway floor and then pick it up and keep eating it
— Kevin Sprotte (@fullSPROTTLE) October 1, 2014
Finally, here are a couple working theories on the Jake Gyllenhaal phenomenon.
- 1. There are a lot of people in NYC who look like Jake Gyllenhaal
- 2. Jake Gyllenhaal is a ghost haunting the subway system
- 3. Jake Gyllenhaal lives in the tunnels
- 4. Jake Gyllenhaal is a mass hallucination that causes people to poop themselves
- 5. Jake Gyllenhaal has been cursed to eat bagels off the floor of the subway for eternity