If you smell something rotten in the air today, don't be alarmed: it's just the first whiff of the noxious mass of slowly-moving drunken frat bros that is SantaCon, which returns to NYC tomorrow. Despite the event's sterling reputation as a certifiable shitshow, The Man has been particularly unfriendly to the beloved projectile vomit contest this year. To add insult to red-nosed injury, the NYPD is reportedly demanding that Lower East Side bars don't serve alcohol to any participants who are wearing a Santa beard.
“It’s for the cameras,” a police source told The News. “If a fight breaks out in a bar and we have video, we want to see them without their beards.” Cops also told the bars not to let any Santas inside if they already seem too drunk. The News adds that a special NYPD detail will be assigned to follow the pub crawl and respond accordingly.
In addition to the bar beard ban, The Man has also made all Metro-North and LIRR trains booze-free during the festivities. Politicians have called for decorum, organizers have called for no sexual assaults, and the founders have called for everyone to find something better to do. Even the NY Times has gotten in on the hate. It's a sad day when New York City starts to feel like the kind of place where one can't don a full-body Christmas outfit and ask a stranger to suck his nuts anymore.