It is a truth universally acknowledged, that "rich" men will only date "hot" women. Once a man hits a certain tax bracket, he no longer needs to "impress" a woman, or "pay attention" to the things she says, or "learn" her first name. A rich man can just buy a sexy body with a head attached to it and keep it in his apartment (if one finds real women too flawed, historical documents suggest hot robots will do instead). But one area rich man says he can no longer stomach banging pieces of ambulatory plastic, and has instead settled for a woman who is "merely beautiful," but certainly not "hot."
The NY Post ran a case study today on one Dan Rochkind, an Upper West Sider and private equity executive who finds himself suffering from the aforementioned ill. Not long ago, Rochkind was content with exclusively inviting hot bodies called "swimsuit models" and "bikini babes" for dates and sleepovers. "I could have [anyone] I wanted," Rochkind told the Post. "I met some nice people, but realistically I went for the hottest girl you could find."
"I was dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation" https://t.co/AhlGGUPKQa
— New York Post (@nypost) April 13, 2017
Somewhere along the way, though, Rochkind got lost. "Beautiful women who get a fair amount of attention get full of themselves," he said. "Eventually, I was dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation."
Luckily for Rochkind, he met a nice matchmaker who set him up with her daughter—a potentially dubious business practice, but who am I to judge—and though she is 5'2 and decidedly NOT A 10, Rochkind has fallen victim to that "love is blind" thing that usually just affects sad poor people. "I think she’s really beautiful and is prettier than anyone I’ve dated," Rochkind said.
It's a happy ending for Rochkind, but less so for the hot people who no longer have the opportunity to be dumped by him. One 22-year-old hot person told the Post her human feelings somehow failed to evaporate after she signed a modeling contract. "When men see beautiful women, they are more concentrated on how she looks because they want to ‘have’ her, and so they don’t want to go deeper and get to know her,” Isabell Giardini said. "And that’s why at the end of a date they wonder, 'Oh that girl is so beautiful but so empty.' That’s happened to me often."
And it appears hot men suffer, too. Though several rich women told the Post they would no longer date blandly handsome men, Benedict Beckeld, a hot man, told the tabloid he wants the world to know he's more than just "the body of Adonis." Indeed, a man who quotes Nietszche on his #fitnessmotivation Instagrams is more than just #pecs and #bodybuilding, he is also #sky, #universe, and #morality.
— Elise Foley (@elisefoley) April 13, 2017
It appears it is quite hard out there for hot people, but there is hope. We turned to Gothamist staffer and Senior Thirst Correspondent, Dave Colon to see if he could come up with a solution. He had this to say:
If hot and wealthy women are tired of dating their genetically superior peers, they should absolutely come date me, Dave, because I have many attractive qualities to offer. For instance, I can for sure not be so into myself that I can't listen you talk about...mega-yachts? Acquisitions? Whatever it is rich people talk about that makes them think they're interesting, whatever, I'll listen to you talk, I'm pretty good at that. And hey, if you're interested in "superballer" guys, that definitely describes me, in the sense that during the summer my wardrobe is exclusively made up of thrift store basketball jerseys that are super cool. You've had the best (looking), so now try me, Dave.
So, there you have it, hot and wealthy women—if Dan Rochkind won't touch you with a 10-foot polo stick, there's always Dave.
Why Hot and Wealthy People Should Date Me, Dave pic.twitter.com/qj0NLeP1Tx
— WriteColonWrite (@DaveCoIon) April 13, 2017