Kimora Lee Simmons at JCPenney's Grand Opening

JC Penney has arrived in Herald Square, leaving locals disaffected and tourists hurling towards a familiar sight. Is Penney's our TGIFriday's of retail? The NY Times reports on the department store's new digs, look and goods with, dare we say, a biting tone that's less becoming than a plethora of polysynthetics. Miss Size 2 reporter guesstimates that 96% of the inventory is made of polyester, and it's nearly impossible to find anything below a size 10. She adds, "it has the most obese mannequins I have ever seen. They probably need special insulin-based epoxy injections just to make their limbs stay on. It’s like a headless wax museum devoted entirely to the cast of Roseanne.” Hopefully there are enough airbrushed magazine covers out there to combat this, lest little girls grow up thinking it's okay to be anything more than a size 2.

In the end, the now twice "apologetic" reporter, Cintra Wilson, declares that even though it's the same elastic waist pant they could have procured at the strip mall on Main Street, tourists will feel it's special because they bought it in New York City; and "No matter how many Grand Slam breakfasts you’ve knocked out of the park, Penney’s has a size for you."