Sex surveys have kept us reaching for the Cosmopolitan nearly every time we go to the dentist. If you don't know how much mind-blowing sex other people are having, you will never have any yourself (that's science!). So naturally, when the New York Post asks for your help in dishing your dirty secrets in their SEX survey, you obey. No gimp mask necessary. As usual, "All Answers Are Anonymous," unless a Post staffer happens to drop the fact that you enjoy performing the "peanut butter paddleboat" into their Facebook feed.
Some of the questions are relatively straightforward ("How many one-night stands do you have in a month? Is sexting cheating? NYC is sexy because…") but as the questions progressively heat up, the answers provided become increasingly hilarious.
Sting is precluded from answering the question "What's your favorite position?" as there are only 5 possible answers: "Missionary, Doggie style, Reverse cowgirl, Girl on top" and "69." Hey now, what about the Mississippi Mud Fly? Or the Bojangles Badminton Boat Show? Can the Post HANDLE the truth?
We're also asked when the best time to have sex is, and are presented with "Morning nookie, Afternoon delight" or "Evening escapades." Where's "After a wake?" or "Before a parole board hearing?" or "During a parent-teacher conference?"
At least, for journalism, we're asked which Jersey Shore member we'd "most like to smush." Because "all of them at the same time in a Chili's bathroom" isn't an option, we'll have to think on this one.