Former House Speaker and noted smartphone user Newt Gingrich will spend tonight at the American Museum of Natural History with his wife, Callista. He and his wife. Tonight. For Valentine's Day. Take from this what you will, then pray for blindness.

Newt Gingrich loves the AMNH and science, despite his political party's (and occasionally his own) questionable stance on the latter. So Callista gifted him with coveted Adult Sleepover tickets tonight, which, as we all know, is the eve of Valentine's Day, the most romantic high suicide holiday of the year.

And in a museum filled with small movie theaters and lush dioramas, what are the chances those two crazy kids'll find some special alone time, perhaps somewhere in the Rose Center for Earth and Space, considering his affinity for space policy (but not NASA) Or would the Hall of Human Origins, which loops a video about stem cell research, be a better spot to spark some hate sex?

I bet you are, you sly dog you.