(Photo via zokuga's flickr)

A notice from the NYC Department of Pedestrian Etiquette, dated July 10th, has been posted on East 7th Street, warning anyone who plans to navigate the sidewalks of this town that some changes are be implemented. Specifically, violating any pedestrian etiquette rules "will result in denial of permission to enter the city for a period of no less than one year." Harsh.

Effective April 1, 2016 all new residents and visitors to New York City Over the age of 16 will be required to take a mandatory training session on Proper Etiquette for navigating the sidewalks and streets of the greater metropolitan area.

The DoPE is obviously a very premature April Fool's gag, but the behavior it's targeting is no joke to Busy Important New Yorkers who are frequently delayed on the crowded sidewalks of NYC:

  • Blocking the sidewalk in a large group or just standing like an idiot in the middle of pedestrian traffic. Also referred to as "clumping."
  • Walking too slowly with more than one person spread across sidewalk.
  • Stopping abruptly without stepping off to the side.
  • Block pedestrian traffic to stare up at the Very Tall Buildings or to clump in a group to look at maps.
  • Walking with your face in a map or mobile device.

This list goes on, but the pulsating forehead vein who wrote it may want chill out with yelling at tourists for being "morons" because our ways are unfamiliar to them. They give us many, many millions of dollars annually! Perhaps one day enough millions where we'll be able to give them their own sidewalk lanes, solving everything.

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First the NIMBY rock bench, and now this—when did the East Village become so uptight, anyway? [via EV Grieve]