Happy post-Halloween Monday. It seems like just yesterday that we were all covered in glitter and sloshed Michelob and chunks of someone else's deteriorating wigs, and now we're here at work? How did this happen? My hair hurts.

You know what we need? Some opium. A spa day. A cedar sauna, a massage, fire pit, a hot tub, a longer massage, a lobotomy yoga session. If you can hold out until the soft opening on November 11, CityWell Brooklyn in Gowanus might be the spot for you. "Who gets to lay in a hammock in New York City? That's something you do on vacation in Mexico," owner Liz Tortolani told DNAinfo during a tour.

The 500-square-foot "boutique bathhouse" is intended to induce an intense sense of relaxation in guests, regardless of its proximity to the rather unzen Superfund site just a few blocks away. Tortolani regards steam baths and saunas as an integral part of healthy living, and the thought of lolling in a garden hot tub is enough to knock me out right now. CityWell will cost $25 for two hours, and $5 per each additional half hour, though I think I speak for many of us when I say that I'd be happy to offer up my first born child and several future pets if it meant swapping this desk chair for a fireside BarcaLounger, skin covered in healing minerals as the remnants of the weekend's alcohol bingefest finally seep out of my skin. Mmmmdjsjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj....HUHWHAT?! Sorry, I just fell asleep for a second.

Men will be allowed in the spa during select hours, but Tortolani's main goal is to create an atmosphere totally comfortable for women.

"People have been doing this since ancient times," she told the news site. "What I want to bring to the community is a space where people feel comfortable and safe and it's purely about caring for their bodies. ... It's affordable, accessible, preventive healthcare."

Click here for more information on CityWell Brooklyn. I'm going to go take a nap under the hand dryer in the bathroom. Wake me when it's open.