Jason Allen Alexander, we hardly knew ye! Britney didn't give us, the suspicious public who would never buy her new album but secretly like "Me Against the Music" even though the song isn't that good 'cause it gets us in the zone, a chance to find out about all your flaws. Damn you, Britney's mana gement! All we know is that you played football during high school and (community) college, go to church, and drive a black Camaro. Don't worry, many other women find you hunky or dark complected, we're sure you'll be able to cobble your life back together once the paparazzi stops harrassing you and your family. It'll just take a lot of time, combined with rueing the day you ever met Britney Spears.
Some are saying this was a stunt to get back at Justin Timberlake, so we guess cheating on him wasn't enough. We say Britney is in need of a 12 step program – maybe not alcohol 12 step but publicity 12 step. And we're making a mental note that if we ever find ourselves in Vegas, we need to befriend someone, like Palms owner George Maloof, who is buddies with a judge and can get our drunken marriage annuled tout de suite.