The Montauk Monster reared its deteriorating head way before the official start to summer this year, and now Newsday has a new twist on the raccoon theory. They report that Montauk Monster 1.0 "was part of an elaborate summer celebration complete with a makeshift Viking-themed funeral for the animal," according to a 32-year-old Shelter Island man. He said they found the dead raccoon last 4th of July weekend and made it part of the yearly custom on the island called Nanapaushat, where "you gather all the dead (animals) on your property and surrounding area and you cremate them, to celebrate the cycle of birth and death." He declares, "Sometimes it's just a raccoon. It's not from Plum Island, it's not a monster from space. Sometimes the answer is the easiest." Fine, anonymous pragmatist, how do you explain the fact that the deputy town clerk in town has never even heard of this ritual? And what about all those other Montauk Monsters? And this map from Gawker? And all the time that elapsed before speaking up? Back to the drawing board...