Age and occupation. How long have you lived here, where did you come from, and where do you live now?
29. Commercial Actor (Writer/Editor/Musician). I've been living here for 6 years, I was born and raised in various parts of Maryland, and I live very close to the lovely Buttermilk bar in Park Slope.
1. You're (briefly) in the commercials for Rheingold Beer that target New York City taboos such as the ban on smoking in bars and the enforcing of the cabaret law. Any internal conflicts while making this commercial?
The only conflict was when I was going to get the paycheck. Easiest money I've ever made in my life! But seriously, folks, I think smoking cigarettes is one of the stupidest things a human being can do. I like abusing my body in extreme ways -- smoking is passive and routine. Borrrrrring.
2. You've written a script called "Ping-Pong Summer," which has been passed over more times than Kirstie Alley. What's your take on the Hollywood process?
I simply do not know how a film gets made. It is one of the miracles of existence. I meet the "higher ups" at parties, and they are DUMB. They haven't seen "McCabe & Mrs. Miller," they don't have an opinion. The Hollywood process is irrational, illogical, and inexplicable. It is a bad cartoon satire of itself. And yet I continue to write scripts and believe that one day my words will be truly "appreciated."
Please share a personal (and hopefully interesting) NYC taxi story.
I wasn't in a taxi, but this is taxi related. I was with a friend, walking from the LES to Fez at like 10pm one Saturday night. At Second Avenue, before we were about to cross the street, all of a sudden, from one of those minivan cabs, a group of screaming females started shouting at us--and i mean us. My friend and I looked at each other, convinced that this was a brilliant misunderstanding, but as we started crossing the street and got closer to them, my friend tensed up and I knew something was wrong. Turns out, four of the five girls in this cab had worked with my friend like three years before, and at THE EXACT MOMENT that we had walked into their life, they had been relaying to the fifth friend the story of the office holiday party when "this guy" (aka, My Friend) had tried to make out with ALL FOUR OF THEM IN THE SAME NIGHT!!! After an admittedly shocked few moments of trying to process the monumental randomness of this coincidence, the light turned green and we all headed our separate ways. Days later, my friend spoke with one of the girls in the cab, and she said that after they managed to explain to the cabbie the impossibility of what had just transpired, he freaked out and kept shouting, 'Dat was da guy???? Dat was da guy???!!!'
Time travel question: What era, day or event in New York's history would you like to re-live?
Certainly not last night. I guess Bobby Thompson's home run.
9pm, Wednesday - what are you doing?
Either: Watching college basketball (in the winter), writing, watching a DVD, or, let's be honest, drinking in a bar, wondering where the closest ATM is.
What's your New York motto?
To poorly paraphrase David Berman... "I feel like I was born to be a priest or a rabbi, but New York makes me want to be a fucking pimp."
Best celebrity sighting in New York, or personal experience with one if you're that type.
I shared a joint with Rosie Perez at the "American Splendor" after-party and listened to her seriously preach about her soon-to-be groundbreaking invention: joint filters! But my most memorable sighting was Henry Rollins in Tribeca one rainy afternoon a few years ago. He was so intent on looking hard and ignoring the world that he accidentally crunched into a deep puddle, soaking both of his feet ankle-high. But as pathetic as that was, I can't deny it, he fucking kicked that puddle's ass.
Describe that low, low moment when you thought you just might have to leave NYC for good.
I woke up on a friend's couch on the Lower East Side at 2:08 pm one Saturday morning, and the first image that popped into my head was buying a bag of crack with a crazy English dude (who I'd met God knows where) in Washington Square Park at 6 o'clock that morning, and nibbling on it (yes, nibbling on it) until I erupted in a fit of hysterical giggles and started babbling aimlessly to anyone I encountered at 6:45 am in the West Village.
Just after midnight on a Saturday - what are you doing?
Drinking my i-can't-remember-how-many-eth drink with friends and either talking profusely or laughing loudly.
Finish one of the four following sentences:
1) "Outside of his building, on E. 9th Street, Chip took money from Enid and..."
...went to 7B to meet his dealer for a $60 bag of bumpy.
Who do you consider to be the greatest New Yorker of all-time? (OK, name up to three if you must.)
What was your best dining experience in NYC?
San Loco on Stanton. EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN TIME.
Just how much do you really love New York?
I really, truly, do not know how much I love New York. Ask me this fall, when I come back after a three-month respite.
What happened the last time you went to L.A.?
I stayed up all night after a wedding in Pasadena and took a car service back to Hollywood for 90 dollars. The driver was a Russian gangster, who had "Dr. Pain" tattooed on his inner wrist and offered to sell my friend and I heroin or ecstasy or whatever we wanted. He was actually very sweet.
Of all the movies made about (or highly associated with) New York, what role would you have liked to be cast in?
If you could change one thing about New York, what would it be?
The fact that I have to work a day job to exist here on a day-to-day basis.
The End of The World is finally happening. What are you going to do with your last 24 hours in NYC?
40 oz. of Olde English for breakfast, scrambled eggs, white Russians, a walk through the park, bball with some bboys, another 40 oz. of Olde English, BBQ somewhere, a crush on a passing girl in a bus, call my sisters and parents and telling them that I love them with my fucking soul, tennis, a graveyard and mourning, popcorn, a 40 oz. of Olde English, recall my family and remind them how much I love them, McDonald's for chicken and meat and fish, listen to "Aquemini," "Odessey & Oracle," "Pet Sounds," "The Soft Bulletin," "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea," and say goodbye to my family, to my life, to the world, I truly do love everyone...