The fifth "amazing bestest yet ever most ridiculous [insert other stupid and/or hyperbolic descriptor here]" season of the Apprentice premiered last night, and boy, do the contestants get dumber and dumber! Maybe not totally dumber, because Lord knows what Gothamist would be doing if we had to work with other people handpicked by Donald Trump and Mark Burnett, but you'd think that people who apply to be on the show would have seen previous episodes and learn from past fired Apprentices' mistakes. That said, The Donald displayed his usual weaknesses of being a sucker for anything that has to do with the Ivy League, brainiac organizations (Mensa), or accents (two new foreign-born contestants - it really is a global village) - and coming up with lame rewards (we think having a chat with Mayor Bloomberg at Gracie Mansion is better than the Wharton Club prize, but whatever!). The team captains were Tarek "Call Me Mensa" and Allie, a former U. Florida Gators cheerleader and Harvard Business School grad, and give them a Good Year Blimp challenge to drive memberships at a Sam's Club, they'll give you cruciating reality show drama!

What did you think of last night's episode? Gothamist is pretty upset that Carolyn will be absent for five episodes, ceding her seat at the boardroom to Ivanka, but maybe this means little Tiffany Trump will be subbing for Ivanka during the sixth season.