Yesterday was a big day for local amateur musician James Dolan, better known to the vast majority of the country as the fedora-wearing face of shitty blues band JD and the Straight Shot. He announced via the NY Post that he will be opening for his favorite band at Madison Square Garden, a venue which he happens to own. He did the Ice Bucket Challenge a month after everyone else, with some help from the guitarist of the band he's opening for at the arena he owns.
And to top it off, he premiered his latest masterpiece, "Under The Hood"—an ode to Trayvon Martin written by a billionaire who has "made himself the Springsteen for the 1 percent"—via the NY Fucking Times.
Read the lyrics below. Lyrics like, "Who's that walking/a shadow in the street/looks like trouble/from my judgment seat." This is truly Dolan's "Hurricane."
Here are the lyrics to Knicks owner James Dolan's song about Trayvon Martin. pic.twitter.com/qW9ZcYE4Xh
— Kevin Draper (@kevinmdraper) September 12, 2014
The tune is "transformative," according to Dolan's website:
The band's fifth album features several breakthrough singles including "Governor's Blues," which challenges some of today's most well-known political figures; "Under That Hood," a transformative single that tells the tragic story of Trayvon Martin; and "Hard to Find," which will be featured in the highly-anticipated film, St. Vincent's, starring Bill Murray and Melissa McCarthy.
You can hear the song here if you feel like you need to punish yourself. "There’s literally nowhere I won’t go," Dolan—a delusional 59-year-old man who is in denial about the fact the only reason anyone pays any attention to his music is because he is a billionaire mogul best known for his misguided management of the Knicks during the worst period in team history—told the Times.
He also revealed he has weekly lessons with Mick Jagger’s vocal coach.
“The artist in me needs to be free,” he told the Post. "I’m entitled to my opinion. I am not the chairman, CEO, etc., standing up there on that stage. I am the singer-songwriter." Other songs on his upcoming album include diatribes against Eliot Spitzer ("He [Spitzer] threatened me at the meeting" about relocating the Garden) and Mayor de Blasio ("If you dare to call the mayor/taxes got your goat/well he don’t care/Cause you’re a millionaire/and he didn’t get your vote”).
"I worry about the other ways that people know me," Dolan added. "I worry that they aren’t going to listen to the music...You are definitely putting it out there and making yourself vulnerable and susceptible to criticism, and since it’s so personal, you run the risk of being hurt," he said. It's a good thing he has about $1.5 billion ways of insulating himself from being hurt by mean critics and fans.
One silver lining: Dolan is much more interested in living out his dreams of being Bob Seger for depressed 1%ers than running the Knicks. "I am definitely spending less time with the Knicks," he told the Times. Be thankful for small mercies.