The subways are a nightmare, the MTA needs money, and the man in charge of it all is nowhere to be found. But lo, amid the darkness, there is a light: Lorde, a newish New York transplant with a big heart and bigger wallet, is here to convince us that the subways are, in fact, good. Won't you save us, Lorde?
On Seth Myers last night, the New Zealand songstress spoke about her love of our subway, and all of the romantic inspiration it offers. "I understand if you've lived here for a long time and you've caught the subway five thousand times, you would hate it," she said, "but for me it still has a bit of romance."
Not every commute is a whimsical jaunt past waterfalls and woodland critters, though; Lorde also revealed she was once trapped on an F train for four hours (we're pretty sure this is an embellishment, unless no one told us?). And yet, she continues riding with us normals, she tells Seth, as "a reintroduction to society."
Lorde's everlasting love for our underground transit system is actually something that she mentions quite a bit, and she even went so far as to thank the subway in the liner notes to her new album. Without her frequent trips through the F train, she told CBS, she "wouldn't have been able to make the record."
So here is the idea: Lorde should give some of her money to the MTA, as compensation for the subway's contribution to an album that debuted Number 1 in four separate countries. Not all her money, of course, but maybe a few million dollars toward some new switches and cables. Just to hold us over until that promised Cuomo money materializes.
In exchange for her generosity, we could probably give her some ceremonial position within the MTA, like the one James Murphy thought he had. Maybe we'd let her secretly post onion ring photos to the MTA's social media accounts. Maybe we all agree to refer to her as the winner of Cuomo's Genius contest.
While we're brainstorming here, what if all of the other wealthy celebrities who love the subway decided to band together for the cause? We could do a benefit concert in the park, with an information portion about who, exactly, is in charge of this mess. Lorde could headline. She could do the Robyn cover again. That'd fix everything, I bet.